6 months ago minus a day ...

Then I woke up slowly and notice that my parents were by my side, together with my youngest brother. First thing I said was that, I'm perfectly fine and gave them as much as a warm smile as I could. First thing I noticed was the love and worry on both their faces. I felt really guilty and genuinely sorry for making them worry. And I actually told them I was sorry. I know it sounds cliche but my parent's really went through a hard life and they have tried to give me and my brothers a better life, as misdirected as their methods could be. But any form of self sacrifice ought to be esteemed and I do try to show my gratefulness as misdirected as my actions can be.
But I digress, anyway, they were worried, because my cardio thoracic surgeon instructed me to be NBM (nil by mouth) in case I need surgery due to my broken collar bone.

That proved to be unfounded as my orthopedic surgeon said there was no need and the damage was slight, considering. Both the doctors remarked to my parents that it was a miracle that I escaped with so few injuries, just mere bone damage when it should be a lot worse. No one breaks nine ribs, the collar bone and cracks their shoulder blade and NOT sustain any internal injuries or bleeding. Add that to eye witness reports who claimed that my car lifted and rolled, I do believe that for some reason, some one wants me alive :). I thank God for that. I believe that He was there and He ordained it. Now if only He will tell me what my purpose is ...

Another revelation, albeit of a different kind is that I notice that any slight movement causes me intense pain. On a scale of 1 to 10, a tilt of my head causes a pain of 7 and moving my torso or legs causes a pain of 8.5. Lifting me from the bed, a definite 9. I don't know what ten is and I don't think I want to find out. Please note that this is a pain scale for men and therefore, the women super scale of 15 is not included. So I refused to move. My civil disobedience towards moving was so intense that I went on a hunger strike, so that I wouldn't have to go to the loo. And it became funny, because after a while, my position would become awkward but still I refuse to let anyone move me. And all I wanted to do was to sleep. Thankfully, my parents and doctor and nurses had the good sense to just let me sleep.

It got better from day to day. But there were challenges that would be so miniscule to the healthy uninjured me but monumental to me nonetheless. On the next day, the doctor requested an x-ray as the healing of the ribs can sometimes cause internal bleeding. To explain this, I must first explain how a bone heals.

Firstly when you break a rib, the tendency is for the rib to break outward, so that it doesn't puncture any of the internal organs. Also the ribs are supported not only by each other and the usual ligaments and tendons, but also with a complex set of muscles and tissue, much like a scaffolding. When the rib (or any other bone breaks for that matter) breaks, what happens withing the first 4-48 hours is that a temporary connections is formed between the two ends of the broken bone. This connection is done in a hurry and is a rudimentary fix to give the bones some form of support. It is this that can cause the internal bleeding as this quick fix can sometimes have sharp ends. After 48 hours, the bone team constructors called chondroblasts and osteoblasts will then slowly rebuild the new bone which will be identical to the original model. Like building plans, our DNA actually contains the instructions of how to rebuild the bone that we broke. How thick and long, the shape and size, the strength and flexibility and so on. Amazing isn't it? And in 4-6 weeks, the bones will be completely healed (for the ribs, other bigger bones take a little longer).

Anyway, the doctor wanted the xray done, and it was very painful for me. To lift myself with the help of a very kind attendant but that was done. Then after that, on the next day, I had a physical therapist assigned to me to make my recovery sooner. And also the doctor had asked me to try to sit up as often as I can as this will prevent fluid from entering my lungs which complicates matters by causing either pneumonia or worst, a lung infection. So with persistance and a lot of encouragement both positive and harsh, I slowly tried.

Day by day my condition improved and on day 5 my orthopedic doctor helped me sit up, by asking me to trust him. You see, being in a condition where any movement causes me pain. And having a limited amount of energy, my perspective of people changes. There are nurses or people who visit me, who are there for their own agenda. It could be a good agenda, like nurses who are just doing their job. But the lack of connection will drain a lot of energy from me. So sooner or later, what happens is that I start to tune this people off. You see at that point, I needed people to engage with me to achieve the common objective, otherwise, it will not work. So anyway, this doctor, ask me and reassured me that it would be ok. And I sat up slowly with him extending his hand for support. My God, it was a wonderful feeling to be able to sit up. I could breathe easier and life took on a whole new dimension.

I'll continue on the next post...